Peer Review by Starflower (United States)

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Eye of the Storm

By: Victoria Martin


FREE WRITING

  1. Thine eyes a grave to all my tenderness.
  2. Once openѐd an ever fixèd mark to hate.
  3. I loathe those depths where demons dance careless.
  4. To hide amid my gaze 'tis now too late.
  5. I watch as still the grey has yet to pass.  
  6. Those summer skies doth call thine eyes.
  7. I as Zephyr be, call a cloud alas
  8. A storm prevails to break thine earthly ties.
  9. Thine death remove of me adversity.
  10. Corrupt doth be as you had done to I
  11. Immoral acts against integrity.
  12. As He forgives mercy, I testify.
  13. With blood of thine I washèd all my sin.
  14. Yet dimmèd eyes stare uncertain.

Hey,
So of course I had a sonnet assignment. I submitted it and I know that not everything is perfectly on  iambic pentameter and all that but I was wondering what all you lovely WTWers would think of it. Hope you enjoy(:

Peer Review

I can relate to the difficulties of writing sonnets, because I had to write one last year. It was really hard! Also, your piece has a mysterious feel to it that I really like.


I would like to know if you are the narrator of this sonnet or if it is fictional character. Why does the narrator loathe the eyes so much? What happened to make the relationship between the characters so tense? This sonnet leaves a lot for the reader to imagine, and I got somewhat confused in places. As you say, the iambic pentameter wavers sometimes, but overall I think it is really good and probably better than I could have done. :)


Reviewer Comments

I don't think that it's necessary to put numbers in front of each line because that makes it seem like each line is supposed to be separate from the others. You made a good effort to imitate the old English style of writing, and that made it interesting to read. Good job, and good luck with your English class!