Peer Review by loquacious_lil (Canada)()

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The Tortoise

By: lianhabanana!


FREE WRITING

The scorching hot sun rays burnt all small bushes in sight. Nothing was to be seen for kilometres except for a small, slow tortoise that shuffled along the sandy ground. He was tired and thirsty as the sand blew in his face and another earthquake began. This was normal as it happened all the time, once he returned to the ground he continued his journey. Then out of nowhere a large and lush oasis appeared in front of him. Going as fast as he could the tortoise went towards the oasis.
Lush green trees and wildflowers filled the ground and crystal clear water glistened in the ponds. Finally he was home. The tortoise wandered around and sat under a shady tree. This place was like a little paradise tucked away and protected from the sandy desert and the outside world not to far away.
Quickly,
The world turned upside down again as two big eyes peered through the glass and at the small plastic tortoise under the tree. "Hurry up tortoise, go and get some water" yelled Charlie as the small child shook the Snow globe. But as much as he tried the tortoise was wedged under the tree. "Oh well" Charlie said. "You must be happy there". Charlie waltzed out to get a snack when the tortoise said. "Yes, yes I am.


Peer Review

I think the best part of this piece was the amazing descriptions it had. I was really brought into the visual world and I could absolutely imagine everything that was going on inside the tortoise's mind.


Overall, I thought it was really good, but perhaps you could expand more on Charlie's point of view, and the transition between the turtle and Charlie.


Reviewer Comments

Excellent writing! Keep up the great work!