Peer Review by Harlow (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


A Hollow Crown

By: pretzel_time


FREE WRITING

There.
I have done it. 
Have I not? 

Do not make me go back again. 
Please. 
I am afraid to think of what I have done. 

The bell calls us back. 
Please, let us steal away. 
They will find us. 
Please, let us wash our hands of this deed.
Let us rub this sight from our eyes.  
Erase all remembrances of this damned act from the air, the walls, the rooms. 

We may be safe for now.
But untrusting eyes gaze in our way. 
   
Here I am. 
Here I sit on the throne.
Yet this crown sits not firmly upon my brow as it should.          
A hollow crown,
A hollowed throne, 
A hollow scepter sitting in hallow hands,
Hollow robes,
A hollowed court of hallowed souls,
A hollow country,
All fit enough to serve a hallowed king. 

Will no amount of water wash the blood from my hands?
Is there no cushion thick enough to silence the screams in my head? 
Is there no remedy to cure me of this plague?
No inch of purity can be found?
Is there no words I can scream to the heavens to cleanse myself of my most foul sin?
Is there no god to listen? 

Or am I bound to suffer in this hell,
Ripped apart by wolves,
Forced to drink molten lead, 
Whipped by the rods of my conscious, 
This cursed name of mine written ten times over with the thickest blood
In the book of the Devil?  

I should at least try to search for some salvation.
What do I have to lose? 


Message to Readers

This piece is PURELY fiction. This piece is inspired by "Macbeth" by William Shakespeare. I would recommend that you check it out.


Peer Review

The mystery. I was racing to read the next stanza that could've given some answers, but instead left me with more questions! I love it!


Dial back the suspense occasionally. give me something concrete to base the story around and then build suspense from fact. The 5th stanza did this well, but I'd like to see more.


Reviewer Comments

I've never read Shakespeare, so I can't comment on that aspect of the piece, but the craft, imagery, mood, and organization of the poem fit the overall eerie tone well. Thanks for entering the competition and letting me read.