Peer Review by Fernweh (India)

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Untitled Piece (in need of reviews for school)

By: -writinginhopesofsomeday-


FREE WRITING

Under a canopy of yellow leaves,
I wished I could see a path ahead,
for many a dreamer loses to thieves,
even pebbles have thought for schemes,
and I wondered whether I was misled.

To my right, I am closed off; alone.
Brambles and thorns climb my legs in wait,
and still I want to stay or turn,
into the comfort of familiar fate,
yet life is too short to avoid unknowns.

One side was open though terror I thought,
since it was dark and shrouded in murk,
but I stepped onto the path that was naught,
and looked for future in such a spot, 
that I could only feel as framework. 

With far to go and far behind,
I will keep trekking into a wood,
which led me to futurity blind,
and I boast of travels unlike mankind,
that guides past viridity to womanhood.

Here's a poem I wrote on the base of Robert Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken. I tried to keep it in his format, except my second stanza broke the rhyme scheme of ABAAB to a weird ABCAA. Anyway, PLEASE give me feedback, I really need it. 

Message to Readers

Here's a poem I wrote on the base of Robert Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken. I tried to keep it in his format, except my second stanza broke the rhyme scheme of ABAAB to a weird ABCAA. Anyway, PLEASE give me feedback, I really need it.


Peer Review

I liked the vagueness of the traveler and the doubt he had in his mind. I was delighted to see how well you had related some important truths about life in this poem.


I have mentioned two lines where i felt you were not being very clear and slightly off the track or not using the perfect wording. But please don't take these suggestions of mine seriously because I am not qualified to verify your work. Just follow your instincts and you will write beautifully.


Reviewer Comments

Overall, the poem is a nice spin-off of "The Road not Taken".
Keep writing!