Peer Review by Lottifus (United Kingdom)

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Congratulations, the place is yours

By: Emzie


FREE WRITING

Congratulations, the place is yours.
Every plastic bag, drifting through the breeze,
abandoned.
Every crisp packet, dropped carelessly,
neglected.
Every soupy sea, choked with plastic bottles,
foaming.
Every single soda bottle, peppering the beach,
stranded.
Every animal, who mistakes your rubbish for
food.
Congratulations, the place is yours. 
 


Message to Readers

I wanted to write something about plastic pollution.


Peer Review

It’s a very powerful piece of writing with a good flow to it - I like how every stanza has the same decrease in syllables per line up until the last one, where it is more obvious. I’ve seen quite a few environmental poems on this site and this is one of the most original; I especially like the images you’ve created (‘peppering’; ‘choked’; ‘foaming’). The title and the last line felt in the best possible way like being punched very hard in the stomach, which I think is what you were intending so well done. I feel like this should be graffitied in big letters on the London Underground so that everyone can feel guilty and then feel like something must be done.


It’s a good length but could maybe have one or two more stanzas. The one thing that I didn’t feel really fit with the poem was how you wrote ‘every single’ instead of ‘every’ in the fourth stanza, because it threw off the rhythm slightly. Other than that it just has a very professional feel to it, like it’s part of a worldwide environmental campaign. Maybe it will be in the future!


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