2016 05 06 19.42.46

ImpossibleGirlo1

United States

Howdy! I am a klutzy sophomore who laughs at herself! ;) I am a country girl at heart, and love writing, reading, drawing, being outside, being with little kids, and animals. My goal is to one day publish a book, and do something great!

Message to Readers

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Let Your Light Shine

May 7, 2016

FREE WRITING

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Another day at school was another day of pure torture. I was different than most kids. No one ever invited me into anything of theirs, never let me participate in their groups, and wouldn’t ever approach “a nerdy geek”. I wanted to think the best of them, but it certainly wasn’t easy when I was the main target of their nasty insults and in the cafeteria’s weekly food fights. Today my blouse was covered in cheese stains and chocolate milk. The usually beautiful auburn of my hair was stained white and orange. As much as I wanted to persevere and do my best, I didn’t know how much longer I could hold out.
    It was the quiet of the evening that almost allowed me to forget the misery of the day. Up ahead, a pleasant sight greeted me. The porch lights were on, Grandma sat in her rocking chair, while Mum sipped a cup of tea. As I addressed my family I noticed on the table between them was a plate of cookies and an extra cup of tea. Mum was good about having something for me when I got home.
“Good evening, Darling. What happened?” Mum inquired.     
    I looked at her with tears in my eyes.
    “Mum, can I just be homeschooled? I’m so alone, all the time, and no one cares. I’m an outcast at school, and I want it to end,” I blurted. I suddenly bit my lip in regret.
    “Come sit,” she said tapping the stool next to her. “I know exactly how you feel. I was the oddball out. There were many times I felt extremely alone, and I even felt like no one cared about me or how I felt”. This thought struck me. It suddenly didn’t seem that bad now knowing I wasn’t alone.
    Grandma added, “ You, at least, have family that loves you”. I smiled. “Now go wash up for dinner”.
    The warm water was relaxing. I tried to imagine that all my worries were going down the drain with the water.
    It wasn’t long before I hit my pillow in deep sleep. Just what a girl needs.
    I jolted awake as my alarm clock beeped. I turned it off, realizing that it was 6:30, and rubbed my eyes. I brushed my hair out of my face and dressed, and before long, I inhaled the sweet aroma of bacon. Mum was at the stove and Grandma sat in front of the telly watching the news. I received a hug from Mum. As I did so I remembered what Mum told me last night. This new knowledge prepared me for the day.
    The rest of the morning was a rush to get me out the door on time. I finished breakfast, grabbed my bag and headed to the bus stop. The crisp air of the early spring was a great pick-me-up. I didn’t think about spitballs hitting my neck or nasty remarks written on the bathroom stall.
    
    We stepped off the bus a little later than usual, so I went immediately to my first hour class, art. It was my favorite class of the day. What wasn’t there to love?
    Mrs. Freeman often started class early, and the sooner we started the better.
    “Good morning, artists! I have great news! We will be doing a group project for the week! You’ll all be making advertisements for your favorite show...”
    Yes! This could be my chance to blend. We then dispersed to find our groups, and I looked around to see who might be willing to let me in.
    There was a rush as everyone tried to find their friends, and my many attempts to join in a group and simply blend in were futile. I silently ambled back to my seat.
    “Raquel, don’t you have a group?” Mrs. Freeman’s voice acted like a slap to the face.    
“They’re all filled up.”I fought to keep my voice steady and my eyes burned with tears. “Mrs. Freeman no one wants me in their group!”
    My cheeks burned with embarrassment and the tears streamed down my face. I ran from the room, my feet carrying me to the loo. I slammed the door to the stall behind me and jammed the lock. I sank to the floor and buried my head in my knees sobbing. It was a long time before Mrs. Freeman came into the loo seeming very sympathetic with only a hint of anger.
    “Raquel, come out of there, now!” I slowly walked out. “Come with me”. She said leading me to the office.
    “How can I help you?” the kindly secretary, inquired.
    “I need a quiet room now, thank you.”
    Mrs. Dayson led us to a modest room behind her desk. The room was barren aside from a table, and two chairs,
    “Thank you,” Mrs. Freeman said, closing the door. “Sit down. Tell me what you meant earlier today”.
    “All of it was true!” I insisted.
    “What did you mean?”
    “No one wanted me in their group. Can’t you see that I’m all alone?”
    “Why do you think that?”
    “Well it has been that way forever. People don’t like me the way I am. They all rush to join their friends, the people they care about, and I can’t blame them I’d want to be with my friends too if I had any, but not only do they rush to their friends, they won’t let me join their group”.
    Mrs. Freeman sighed. “So you skipped your second hour class?”
    “I don’t want to show my face. I’m humiliated, and I just know they’ll have something to say about the matter. They always do”.
    Mrs. Freeman looked at me with amusement. I reciprocated in confusion.
    “Raquel, there are lots of people who don’t feel like they fit in, and that everyone’s talking about them and making fun of them, and you’re certainly not alone”. This thought struck me again. “There are people who can help you deal with this. I know that your mum for sure is someone who can help, and I’m always here for you. I suggest you talk with your mum. I think you’ll be surprised by what she has to say. I’m going to send you home for the rest of the day; I will see you tomorrow”. I nodded in agreement.
    On the way home I felt better, but I was still confused. Once we got home I went up to my room and took a long nap. I’m almost positive that I hadn’t been well rested in a long time, and it felt good to sleep for a good five hours or so before dinner.
    At dinner I remembered what Mrs. Freeman had said about talking to Mum, but I couldn’t think of a way to bring it up.
    The dishes were cleared away when I climbed onto the roof, and my sanctuary. I went here when I needed to think, or when I just needed some space. It was nice up here tonight. The air was cool, and the stars shone bright in the sky, and I was presently surprised to have Mum join me, carrying two cups of tea.
    “Hey Darling! What’s up?”
    “I was just thinking”.
    “About what?”
    “Mum, Mrs. Freeman said I wasn’t alone, and that I should talk to you. She said I’d be surprised about what you have to say”.
    Mum seemed to ponder this for a moment. “Oh yes. Mrs. Freeman and I went to school together, and she was a good friend when no one else was”. She thought for a moment. “You know your Grandmother once told me a story that helped me feel better. Would you like to hear it?”
    “Yes!”
“There once was a fairy, much smaller than the rest and was taunted for it, making her feel out of place. One day she met a young girl who was like herself, and so she felt compassion towards the girl. The fairy took the girl to a meadow in the night and showed her the stars. There the fairy told the girl something she never forgot.”
    “What was it?” I begged.
“Look at the stars, and see how every one of them shines? Be a star and shine for the world, because you were beautifully and perfectly made, by a wonderful and sovereign Creator. You are here for a reason, and you may not see the big picture yet, but you will someday”.
    “Thanks Mum”.
    ***
The next morning I got ready with relief, because I was now free to be myself. Honestly, I had always been free to be myself. The difference was, I actually felt free. I was made perfectly and beautifully, and I was made to make an impact on the world. I don’t know how, and I don’t know when, but when the time comes, I will shine brightly for God and the world.

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