Peer Review by ariannaags (Singapore)

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Baker's Dream

By: Lakhotia


PROMPT: Illumination

Young and callous, her dream was like an other eleven year old girl; to strut on the runway, dolled up and a caked face, with legs as thin as her chances. Forty years later, she's kneading dough wearing a red checkered hand-me-down apron and as the flour rose in billowing clouds, her wrinkles are concealed and she once again dreams of that preteen fantasy. 


Peer Review

I think that your description was very effective in illustrating and helping the reader visualise this woman. Your choice of words, for example 'strut' or 'billowing' allows the reader to immediately visualise the scene. Additionally, the more detailed verbs also reveals the personality of the character to the reader.


Why does she dream of this preteen fantasy? I think you should expand more about what is it about her current life that makes her escape into this fantasy.


Reviewer Comments

Your text, particularly the first three words, is very good at capturing the attention of the reader. As you only have a limited amount of words, I think you could look for synonyms of adjectives and verbs that help reveal the persona of this character further. This is especially important in revealing the true desires of the character. I like your style of introducing more information about the character, however keep in mind the relevancy and significance of each piece of information to her young self and her old self. Keep developing this piece as I can see that it has a lot of potential!