Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I think that your description was very effective in illustrating and helping the reader visualise this woman. Your choice of words, for example 'strut' or 'billowing' allows the reader to immediately visualise the scene. Additionally, the more detailed verbs also reveals the personality of the character to the reader.
Why does she dream of this preteen fantasy? I think you should expand more about what is it about her current life that makes her escape into this fantasy.
Your text, particularly the first three words, is very good at capturing the attention of the reader. As you only have a limited amount of words, I think you could look for synonyms of adjectives and verbs that help reveal the persona of this character further. This is especially important in revealing the true desires of the character. I like your style of introducing more information about the character, however keep in mind the relevancy and significance of each piece of information to her young self and her old self. Keep developing this piece as I can see that it has a lot of potential!