Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
This is for DaBolo's #hybrid contest and amohn04's #tellastory contest. Go check them out!
Feedback is greatly appreciated. I don't mind harsh criticism at all, so be brutally honest :)
I think that the whole piece is beautiful. You have really nice imagery and your descriptions are amazing.
I think you could add another layer of depth to this story by showing more about the Xarae and what they are like. I'm interested to know why they live in lakes and also have wings. You say they are the children of fire and water, but it kind of seems like they're also the children of the air or wind. I think you tell us enough about why they're the children of fire, but you could add some more details about why they're the children of water. Another thing you could possibly do is to tell us more about the feelings of the narrator. They lost their mother, but don't seem overly concerned about it. There are some beautiful lines at the end about this though, so overall it is very good.
Since you're writing in the lowercase only style, it occurred to me that capitalizing "Xarae" and "Yagha" doesn't fit in with the general theme. I don't really know anything about the lowercase prose style, so maybe you have a reason for doing it this way. Anyway, I just thought it might make more sense if they weren't capitalized. Other than that, this is a wonderful piece, and you did a great job! :)