Wicked!

India

◢◤

Daydreamer. Bibliophile. Fangirl.

ENFP-T

Writer's block and sleep deprivation are my constant companions.

Marvel and Harry Potter are ❤
(Other fandoms are too, but just not as much, you know?)

Message to Readers

This is for DaBolo's #hybrid contest and amohn04's #tellastory contest. Go check them out!

Feedback is greatly appreciated. I don't mind harsh criticism at all, so be brutally honest :)

in and out of the clouds (revised) #Helpme2020 #MagicalRealism

November 1, 2019

FREE WRITING

8
my grandmother says that the Xarae are the children of fire and water. they live in the turquoise waters of the innumerable Yagha in our land, lakes that formed in the hollow craters of perished volcanoes, their fire all but dead.

they aren't what you'd call fierce, though they certainly look the part-- sharp claws, large wings, eyes as brilliant as molten gold and whip-like tails with tips that they can ignite in flames at will. as a child, i used to lie down on the soft green grass in the evenings, looking up at the flocks of Xarae gliding in and out of the clouds, their lithe legs folded up under their golden bellies. sometimes i used to imagine myself flying with them, graceful, elegant, free.

my people consider the Xarae auspicious, and it is believed that if a woman heavy with child sees her belly's reflection in the golden eyes of a Xarae, her child will be as beautiful and elegant as one. many make the arduous journey to a Yagha, hoping to see a Xarae up close, hoping for a child as perfect. when she was heavy for the second time, my mother did too. before leaving, she had told me that within a month she would have a small baby, soft and supple, with whom i could play all the time. but she never returned.

grandmother told me that the Xarae loved her so much that they kept her to themselves. when i said that i loved her more, grandmother went silent. other people said that she was blessed by the Xarae. but i think that going to a volcano whose fire had died made the fire inside her die too.

but, lying down on the soft green grass in the evenings, i like to imagine her flying in the heavens with the Xarae, gliding in and out of the clouds; graceful, elegant, free.
 
i think that i subconsciously modelled the Xarae after a Pokemon. i'm not sure though; i used to watch Pokemon on TV more than ten years ago lmao. if you know about this, please let me know so that i can change it if need be.

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11 Comments
  • caityege

    Another review, long overdue from my comp!


    4 months ago
  • ♛DaBolo♛

    this deserved to win. nice job! :)


    4 months ago
  • ♛DaBolo♛

    Winners have finally been announced! https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/137682/version/266609


    5 months ago
  • SparklingEmbers

    sorry about the confusion in the contest -- yes you are in third place and I'll change that asap-- i don't know what happened


    5 months ago
  • Writers of the World

    @Wicked!
    Yes sorry, it's meant to be 1,000


    5 months ago
  • Okapi

    The first round of the Writing Contest Championships begins right now and must be entered before October 27th. Here is the category to write about: Halloween, we are getting close to Halloween and so I think that it would be a good idea to write about Halloween. It can be flash fiction, poetry, or a short story, but please no novels! Once you are done, please include (Round One) in your title, I do not need the link to your piece that way, I can just search for Round One. Good luck to all of you!


    6 months ago
  • Wicked!

    @Freddy Bacher thanks a lot :)


    6 months ago
  • Freddy Bacher

    This text has a true flow and it was expertly worded. I really liked the contrast at the end between a mystical creature and lying on the grass with the sunset. Very good job.


    6 months ago
  • Wicked!

    @aryelee and @DaBolo thank you so much!


    6 months ago
  • ♛DaBolo♛

    Thanks for entering, I loved your entry.


    6 months ago
  • aryelee

    the first line really drew me in and i was captivated for the rest of this piece. the world you've created, the creatures and the legends surrounding them, all so vibrant and real. i absolutely loved your descriptions of the xarae -- "they aren't what you'd call fierce, though they certainly look the part'", and "gliding in and out of the clouds, their lithe legs folded up under their golden bellies" especially. and the repetition of "graceful, elegant, free" works so well in not only showing how the narrator feels about the xarae and themselves, but also has so much emotional impact after the paragraph about their mother leaving. "grandmother told me that the Xarae loved her so much that they kept her to themselves. when i said that i loved her more, grandmother went silent." oh my GOD that line punched me in the heart i love it so much. this is such an amazing piece!!


    6 months ago