Peer Review by amohn04 (United States)

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Wishing Day #Tellastory

By: Dmoral13


In my world, I wasn't meant to be seen. In your world, you were more than free. In our world, we had been meant to be.

Mama told me that if the same number was the date, that meant it was a wishing day. The first wishing day I remember was when I was five years old, and Mama wished me a happy birthday. Said that wishing day was extra special. That night we visited Papa's resting bed and made wishes upon the stars. None of them came much true except in our hearts.
This was John and I's first wishing day without Mama, but also Michael's first wishing day-ever.
I didn't know much to do but wish for a miracle, and a bottle of shampoo.
When it was John's turn, he wished Mama came back and Papa never left for war. As for Michael, he just cried 'cause he was hungry.
Whenever he cried, I'd pick him up and rock him, as John went off in search of milk. Most nights we stole some, few nights some lady would lend us some. Never did Michael get Mama's milk.
Except, tonight, John didn't go get milk. He froze in front of the window, where lay our blanket bed.
"Johnny, Mikey's crying," I fuss, bouncing him slightly. "Hurry for some milk."
"But Wen-"
Before he could finish there was a screech outside. Quickly it was followed by a howl of a man, sweet and loud, then a series of laughter that filled the air.
Yet, by the time I reached the window, whatever made the noise was gone but for a shadow and little cry.
Mama would've known what it was.

Today's not a real wishing day, but John and I needed some help. So we got down on our knees and prayed for the sickness in Michael to go away. But instead the answers to our prayers, we heard the same screech-we heard 2 years ago on our other wishing day.
"Maybe it's help from the heavens?" John shrugs, pushing it broken glasses further up his nose.
"Grab Papa's hat," I order, grabbing Michael. "Let's go see!"
Carefully we layered up into what we had and hid the few possessions we did have. John had yanked Papa's tall black hat over his abnormally large ears, just as I managed to wrap up Michael in a faded pink towel. Then, when it came to me, all I has was my silk blue dress Mama had given to me, and the ripped up matching blue bow, John stole for me,

Worst wishing day ever.
Michael wished for a new bright red truck he saw on the tv, as John wished for a chance to escape back home again. We had been found the August of 2005, with Michael barely alive, John hanging on to his last mental thread, and I hugging both of them as we walked into the Police Station. A place I had avoided for so long.
Mary and George seem nice, but John refuses to give them a chance. As for Michael, he loves his new friends. As for me, I couldn't care much where we live, as long as I have my brothers there and fed.
Sighing, I stood up from the couch where John was asleep and Michael eating with Mary and walked to the back yard-where the stars are. 
Quietly I wished to see Mama again or know about the boy who keeps dancing in my dreams, again and again.
"Wendy?" A soft voice called, laced with a sweet melody.
Turning around, I scanned the yard. That's when I saw the shadow.
"Leave me alone!" I yell at the shadow, pointing my finger at it. "You cause me nothing but trouble."
"He's full of mischief, as you can see," The voice giggled a familiar giggle.
"Who are you?
Suddenly, a boy appeared in front of me.
"They call me Peter Pan."

Ever since the day we met, Peter came to see me. I never told anyone but John and Michael, but I think Mary knew something about him. We'd laugh and play, as well as constantly eat and play make-believe. Sometimes he'd bring his brothers, and we'd play Lost Boy Hide & Seek. Most nights though were spent with his shadow. Rarely would we see his faery.
"It's wishing day," John shouted, waving his stick out our bedroom window. "What'll you wish for Peter?"
Smiling, I leaned against the window, as Michael came to sit on my lap. It had been another long fun day for all of us again.
"I wish you all could fly with me!" Peter shouted back, eyes twinkling with mischief.
"O Peter," I sighed, playing with Mikey's hair. "Tinker isn't going to like this."

If you couldn't tell, I chose the Disney Movie Peter Pan and modernized it.
ALSO, the dates (from the order I wrote them.)
9/9/99 - Sep. 9th 1999
4/4/04 - April 4th 2004
10/10/10 - Oct. 10th 2010
12/12/12 - Dec. 12th 2012

Peer Review

I loved the modernization and deep emotions!

Maybe do some more characterization for Wendy exhibiting her internal conflicts

Reviewer Comments

Thank you so much for entering and keep an eye out for the results!