rainandsonder

United States

"the audience is only safe when the story isn't about them."

they/them - probably listening to sufjan stevens

Message from Writer

an important piece by outoftheblue- https://bit.ly/3dBxv5r

black lives matter & pride is over but the fight for lgbt+ rights is year round.

bio quote is from the magnus archives

september is an ever-closer due date

September 19, 2020

FREE WRITING

23
i. anxiety, like love, is not something you feel or something you have, but something you are in. at night, my mind blooms like a violent flower; the threads unravel, the walls shrink, i know how this goes and yet my stomach still keens like a wounded animal. i think of the past and my bones crawl outside my skin. i think of the future and crinkle like origami. eyes averted, tones a pitch off; the future is the hard "k" when someone says you need to talk, a neon sign that, up close, reads: DEAD END.

ii. so i don't think about the future, and i don't think about loose threads. am i a poet if all my stanzas just paraphrase what i've already said? am i a poet if i lean over at lunch and tell you that i get this sort of lonely ache in my chest, a toothpaste aftertaste in the mornings and a cyanide cherry pit at night? how do you measure art: by line breaks and an 11pt arial font, or the way the words stick like leather furniture in summer? or is it a kind of equally regretful poetry if i only end up writing when filling out tax forms?

iii. the night sky in the suburbs is a charcoal scribble that smells of sulfur and gasoline. someone pressed the tip so hard it broke; the darkness swallowed the stars and now looks at the earth with a hungry gleam in its eye. when i see cars drive down my street, they look like flashlights in a gaping, oil-black cave, and as the tides become sluggish and static i can’t even find the moon. i’m forgetting, more and more, that the night can be vast and breathtaking.


 
this is a revised version of something i posted a while back, so if it seems familiar then that's why. would love feedback on how else i could revise it, or just feedback in general! anxiety, amirite folks? *cue canned laugh track as if from a 90s sitcom*

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16 Comments
  • antizoeclub

    ah this is lovely, that second stanza gets me right in the heart


    about 1 month ago
  • dovetrees

    re: ah awesome! glad to hear it :,) to be honest, you can choose between the moonboy, the lanterns, and baking at 5 am hahah, i don't mind which one <3 thank you!


    2 months ago
  • dovetrees

    apologies haha one more thing! i wrote your review a little while ago, and i was just wondering if you received it (its status is submitted)? if not, here's a heads up haha


    2 months ago
  • dovetrees

    re: ah of course!! use your magic, i can't wait to read it :)


    2 months ago
  • dovetrees

    this piece is incredible! i agree with everything Tula.S has said, the way you weave words together is hypnotising.

    'the night sky in the suburbs is a charcoal scribble that smells of sulfur and gasoline.' favourite line, it says so much in so little words. i'm in love with your imagery!

    reply: thank you so much! also yeah omg it's storming so much here, too. ( fun fact: the first time i ever saw lightning i thought it was a speed camera because we were driving lmao)


    2 months ago
  • Tula.S

    this is just so interesting. not only is the first line so un-cliché and powerful, but every line after that too. you have a lovely way of combining words that doesn't sound random, but rather, it just sounds foreign and beautiful. finally, I love how you wrap everything together with the title. it unites the three parts in such a relevant way.


    2 months ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    the transitions between every concept and idea in your writing is always so smooth, and the ideas themselves are hopelessly poignant. i hope you believe me when i say that i've been sitting on this piece for a long time, wondering what i could say about this. the imagery and figurative language you use manage to convey the overall theme of the piece so so well, and they leave you with a sense of ineffable longing. your sentences are structured in a way that they are unassuming but still incredibly strong. this really makes me see how much writing can actually do for us, how the words cannot be contained on a paper. i will come back because good god, this is so good.


    2 months ago
  • dav

    my favourite is iii, and i love "someone pressed the tip so hard it broke; the darkness swallowed the stars". and when "[your] mind [bloomed] like a violent flower", that hit hard. and it hurts a little but i still adore "im forgetting, more and more, that the night can be vast and breathtaking." like, wow.


    2 months ago
  • inanutshell

    in awe of how you've managed to put all these hard to describe feelings into such perfect descriptions. "at night, my mind blooms like a violent flower; the threads unravel, the walls shrink, i know how this goes and yet my stomach still keens like a wounded animal."; "the future is the hard "k" when someone says you need to talk, a neon sign that, up close, reads: DEAD END." especially the latter, there's that feeling of being in limbo/stuck that is beautifully combined with underlying feelings of fear when we talk about the future that you 've managed to write so aptly.

    "am i a poet if all my stanzas just paraphrase what i've already said?" lol called me tf out i just rewrite all my old pieces & tell myself they're new so i don't seem like i'm running out of ideas. "how do you measure art: by line breaks and an 11pt arial font, or the way the words stick like leather furniture in summer?" this line kinda reminds me of your other piece "every color bleeding from a blurry windshield" that is undoubtedly one of my fav pieces of yours, and fits so well here when you're talking about writing the old. your words have definitely stuck w/ me in a way i couldn't quite explain until now tbh

    also, every sept is always a hard month for me so i found myself relating a lot to your title. there's this impending feeling of doom coupled w/ fear that builds really nicely in this piece & i'm sorry for the long comment but i just had to let you know how much i love this


    2 months ago
  • Abby.a

    This... how did you do such an amazing job putting anxiety into words?? “ i think of the past and my bones crawl outside my skin. i think of the future and crinkle like origami.” THIS LINE! Even just reading this i can almost feel the beginning of anxiety... this is seriously so powerful


    2 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    This is amazing! Literally just read everyone else's comments again--they all said exactly what I think :) Wonderful piece!!!


    2 months ago
  • And_The_Stars_Laughed

    I am breathless. Literally. It feels as if all of the air has been drained from me, replaced by these beautiful and raw words. Wicked! said it better, but this piece made me truly feel something, something that I can't quite explain, but something that made me marvel at the magnificence of this piece. I have no doubt that you will touch many people with your writing.


    2 months ago
  • daylightprisms

    "how do you measure art: by line breaks and an 11pt arial font, or the way the words stick like leather furniture in summer? or is it a kind of equally regretful poetry if i only end up writing when filling out tax forms?" this is sort of poetic- even when, especially when talking about the mundane, and your writing style is so wonderfully evocative. i second what @Wicked! said completely.


    2 months ago
  • Wicked!

    Sometimes writing is so beautiful that it makes me physically feel a tightness in my chest. Your writing always manages to that. This is such an amazing piece, one that I'm definitely going to be rereading a lot.


    2 months ago
  • Wisp

    "am i a poet if all my stanzas just paraphrase what i've already said? am i a poet if i lean over at lunch and tell you that i get this sort of lonely ache in my chest, a toothpaste aftertaste in the mornings and a cyanide cherry pit at night?"
    This line. THIS LINE. It's freaking everything. I don't even have enough words to describe this feeling that has erupted inside of me. I want to cry and laugh and just become the beating of my heart. That probably doesn't make sense, but this piece blew me away so much I can barely form coherent sentences.


    2 months ago
  • sunny.v

    “anxiety, like love, is not something you feel or something you have, but something you are in.” okay? start off with literally the line i’ll think about for the rest of my life, why don’t you?? gosh, every time you post a new piece, i know i have to emotionally prepare myself (in the best way, of course). despite the somberness of the analogies in stanza i, “ the future is the hard "k" when someone says you need to talk” really made me laugh. ah, how accurate though! master of analogies, rainandsonder (can i call you Ras? i do that in my head but taking the initials of the three words in your username lol).
    “ am i a poet if all my stanzas just paraphrase what i've already said? am i a poet if i lean over at lunch and tell you that i get this sort of lonely ache in my chest” okay??? my gosh, i don’t think i’ve ever resonated with lines more than these two. also, there’s a subtle subtle rhyme in there that i highkey adore. but still. These two lines succinctly sum up this sort of awful existential feeling (not necessarily dread) I have and. wow.
    “ the night sky in the suburbs is a charcoal scribble that smells of sulfur and gasoline.” as a kid from the suburbs, yeah. i love that metaphor. and that last line? “i’m forgetting, more and more, that the night can be vast and breathtaking. ” i’m not sure why, but it made me inexplicably sad. by no fault of yours, this piece made me feel both so...lonely and yet un-alone (whatever!! that’s not correct i know!!) at the same time? it’s 11 pm. geez. this is easily one of my favorite pieces i’ve ever read in like. ever, dude.


    2 months ago