Peer Review by Harlow (United States)

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the global cold

By: r|A|i|N


FREE WRITING

in the autumn they filled the leaves with parasites
like genetic star pollution -
brown disease all over our homes,
then pitched like garbage in heavy gusts;
dark as rot, piled twitchily beneath their
ungainly matriarchs.  kids rode bicycles through
their skeletons, rubber on blood, and
the rain pattered them to placid ruins, corpses careful
under eons of void.  these fools took
fistfuls of the autumn and threw them blithely
into youth-ridden faces, gagged on them with dirty teeth,
plummeted their carcasses with scarves pulled
over pink-patched faces.  i hope they feel hated someday.
punishment will come in ghastly symbols, i know,
bulging blizzards and glaciers rimy and gleaming, stacked
brick-like in the streets, and the world will
scream with healthy ignorance.  i miss the leaves;
i mourn for snowed stains, muddy underworlds,
festered bark.  world kicked with cold.
outside they scream.


Message to Readers

the irony has only just occurred to me


Peer Review

I was thrilled and chilled by your stunning use of imagery to convey (what I’m assuming) a message of the changing a of seasons.


Who are “they”? The humans, the fools, the parasites? This ambiguity adds to your imagery, but providing closure and an antagonist to the small story you’ve told could make the piece that much better.


Reviewer Comments

Can’t wait to hear your thoughts on my work! Hope I wasn’t too harsh.