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Azun

United States

I'm a slow thinker/writer ^^.

Message to Readers

This writing is 95% true, so...................don't pity me.

7th Grade[2013-14]

March 18, 2015

There was something different about this year. I met lots of people and became friends with people I never would have thought of hanging out with. What happened to me? Did I change? Mature, perhaps? My new friends are fun, out-going, cheerful pretty much the opposite of me. The first person I considered my BFF in Elementary, has left me for other people, but she fits in. She is cheerful, talkitive, but serious. What about me? I don't fit in with the talkitive, the cheerful, much less the out-going. I'm not antisoical or shy really, but I guess I want something that doesn't exist. I want someone to trust. I want to be able to lean on that person when I need them, that way I can be free to be myself without worries about what others say about me 'cause the only opinion that matters is that one person's opinion. And, of course, I would help them out too. We'd be like a part of each other. What happened? What did I do? What should I do? I'm scared. I don't know what to do or say. I have so many things I wanna say to so many people, but what if they do something back? This isn't who I wanna be! I want to go back in time! Back to when I was 5, back when I wasn't tainted! Back when...I was innocent, pure, cheerful, out-going and brave. Back before HE touched me with dirty hands. I still have nightmares about that night. I've never told anyone, not even God but I bet he saw it and just sat there and watched. And now I certainly don't plan to say a word. Its been 8 years, and now his girlfriend will give birth to his child. Despite him having tainted me, I feel happy for him. That night, killed me, and all that was left was an empty shell that learned to live in a lie. My new friends think I'm so innocent just because I don't curse, but the sad unknown fact is that I'm more tained than they can imagine. This year was so different, beacause the nightmares are becoming more clear again. I will end up reverting back to square one if this continues.

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  • March 18, 2015 - 1:18pm (Now Viewing)

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