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fierywonder

Singapore

Doctor Who, Harry Potter, Van Gogh, writing and drawing.

And also quite socially awkward.

[15]

Message to Readers

This is actually for a contest, and I have to write about getting caught in serious trouble and an unlikely friend saved me, in less than 500 words.

I would really love to know what you think of it, and I'm a bit worried because I'm not sure if this is qualifies? A bit unsure on that getting caught in trouble part, so I would like to know if you would accept it. Any constructive criticism and feedback would be well appreciated! :)

Hope

April 29, 2016

FREE WRITING

1
Dear diary,

You remember how I told you I felt like I was in trouble? And I didn't know what to do?

I still don't, but something happened today, and maybe it'll be okay. 

Maybe. 

But that's something, right?

Well... She's pretty. Pretty nice, too. Incredibly kind. 

And a teacher.

Which is weird, considering my history with teachers, and how they always went this isn't good enough, why can't you be more outspoken, it isn't that hard to go out there and speak. You know Mrs Hath. 

Probably my mistake generalising all teachers on the acts of a few, but god, she was such a butt - sorry, but this is true - and I just hated coming to school because of her.

All she cared about were grades, grades, and more grades, and for some stupid reason I believed her and got expelled for cheating on an important exam because in Mrs Hath's class, grades seemed more crucial to your identity than morals. 

And here I am, in this new school, where word passes around fast, and I'm basically the outcast and teachers aren't incredibly fond of me.

What a great way to start off the school year.

But today a teacher went up to me when I was sitting by myself at a bench - ha, I'm such a loner - and I remember going no no no no no

Surprisingly, the first thing she asked was if I was okay. 

Remember that 'trouble,' diary? I told you about it in an earlier entry. I couldn't sleep, couldn't concentrate, couldn't quite be myself. 

I couldn't feel. 

I looked at life through a haze, sometimes I cried for no apparent reason, and sometimes- sometimes, I'd wonder if life would've been easier for my parents if I wasn't... here. 

Life's still like that. And all the judging looks, they aren't helping. 

I can't even make it through these few days without reducing to tears in the janitor's closet - how can I get through 360 more? 

And so when she asked me about whether I was okay, I hesitated but said yes, and I was just going please please don't cry at least not until she leaves god please leave soon. And she looked at me for the longest time and I knew she knew I was lying and I just couldn't look at her.

Then she said, "If there's anything wrong, I'll always be glad to listen."

And if I hadn't been biting on my lip so hard I bet I would've broken down and cried because no teacher - or anybody, really - had ever shown me so much kindness and for once in a very long time I felt something.

I felt hope - I nearly forgot how beautiful it is. 

And maybe it'll all be okay, diary. Maybe it will. 


With loads of geekiness,

little hopeful me - 5th Jan 2015

(5th Jan 2019 - Thank you for being my friend, Miss Oswald.) 

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