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House Stark

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Feedback and critique is very much welcomed:) They aid my quest for improvement!

Brumal Night #Experience

September 22, 2019


The frigid wind nipped at my exposed skin; my bare shoulders down to my fingers and legs, leaving gooseflesh in its wake. I shiver, teeth chattering rapidly. I unclenched my dry, shaking hands, taking in the fading white at the knuckles. I took a slow breath, in and out. I leapt. 

A thousand knives stabbed at my being as a sunk into the icy depths of the water. It was bottomless; a cavernous maw. The darkness was encompassing, digging its shadowy talons into me as I writhed and clawed for the surface. My head pounded the rhythm of a war drum as beads of precious oxygen escaped my lips. 

I would not die like this.

With fear stalking my heels, I sliced through the water with powerful and frantic strokes, kicking swiftly. I propelled myself toward the surface, a torpedo. My heart thumped erratically and wildly.

I broke the surface into millions of fractals and shards, gasping. The earlier wind was gone; only bitterly cold air hung over the mirrored lake. The moon was a waxen candle amidst the starry web of the universe; its light dribbling onto water, a wobbling pool of moonshine. The trees were but looming figures, minacious and frightening. 

I trembled with both cold and post-terror as I slowly swam back to shore, my head slipping back under periodically from fatigue. Once my feet brushed traces of land, my heartbeat began throbbing normally; steadily. I sloshed my way ashore, quivering and waterlogged. My feet scraped over sharp stones and twigs as I stumble back toward the flecks of lights in the distant mountains.
Finished: (22/09/2019 7:06PM)

Huge shoutout to @Blotted Ink with a Broken Quill for hosting the Elemental Feeling Contest. I had quite some fun writing this piece.


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  • September 22, 2019 - 6:11pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • MarSan

    Your descriptions are always so vibrant and a joy to read, I love how this one, in particular, was crisp and piercing. I had never read a narration that described water in the way this one does (The whole breaking the surface as if it were glass, is just amazing). I was hooked from start to finish, there's really no weak points in this.
    "The moon was a waxen candle amidst the starry web of the universe; its light dribbling onto water, a wobbling pool of moonshine. " this part contrasts with the rest of the elements so well! It just gives it breathing space and changes the focus of the story (it gives a sense of peace to the reader, smoothly transcends from the climax to the ending). Overall, although it's short, this was a capturing and masterful piece! Keep on writing!

    3 months ago