Peer Review by Lilly.VB (United Kingdom)

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But It Was Home

By: jj1325

PROMPT: Open Prompt

    It was loud, hot, and crowded, but it was home. The stiff white couch under me was uncomfortable and scratchy, yet there were so many childhood memories that were linked to the “booby couch”. My six cousins’ laughter surrounded me, and everyone was talking over each other. The adults wandered around talking; I could easily pin-point Zio Fred, his loud voice made him recognizable in any crowd. The smell of Christmas lasagna, and the sound of arguing sisters drifted into the living room from the kitchen. I heard my Nonno screaming at my uncles for ‘cheating’ in the Italian Card Game, “Scopa”, and I chuckled.
    As I laughed, my cousin turned to face me, and raised an eyebrow. I smirked at Bianca, and pointed in the direction of the kitchen, the source of my amusement. Understanding what I was pointing at, Bianca rolled her brown eyes, laughed, and then turned back to the conversation, and responded to our other cousin,
    “Dante! Mah, what is that supposed to mean?” I rolled my eyes at their bickering and smiled contently. As I sunk deeper into the couch, I was reminded of all the days I had spent in my grandparents’ house with my family. I recalled the days of playing “tickle monster” with my grandparents, building monstrous pillow forts in the t.v. room with my cousins, eating tomatoes and raspberries in the garden, playing hockey on the driveway, and riding bikes in the basement. At the sound of my cousin Matthew asking me a question I was brought back to the present moment. So much had changed since then, but my grandparents house was still loud, hot, crowded, and my home.

Peer Review

Its a very comforting piece that manages to relate to your own home and excellently captures the warmth of Christmas with family.

It balances out the idea that your home is not perfect, yet it is perfect to you and that is all that really matters. It gives a 'feel-good' message without making it blatantly obvious.

I would have liked perhaps a little more detail from the memories and have them more evenly spaced out throughout the piece. I really liked the contrast between the modern version and the memories.

Reviewer Comments

I thought this was a really strong piece that I think you should push to make perfect! Perhaps if you space out the paragraphs and assign them to each subject it would immerse the reader even more. For example the last paragraph could just be comparing the differences from then to now. I really enjoyed travelling to that Christmas time and feeling the warmth from the piece, can't wait to see how you can improve it even more!