Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
1. Is the dialogue realistic? Or is it awkward and clunky?
2. Does the piece flow well?
3. At what point did you get bored?
The opening lines immediately drew me into your story. I left some notes on how to improve it just a little, but it is a great start. I also was intrigued by your characters and there situation they have found themselves in.
There are a few places I left notes on expanding certain ideas, or motives, but I think overall you have a pretty great piece. I do just have one question, couldn't she just go back into her apartment to get her phone? Unless she locked the door behind her? I just was confused as to why she had to use the pay phone if she didn't lock her apartment, and thus could go back in to get her phone/purse.
I think your dialogue was very well written and human. There are a few places I pointed out in may notes that felt a little rushed or unfinished as far as flow wise, but other then that your piece flowed wonderfully. I didn't really get bored so much as wanted to know more. I felt the ending could be expanded, or if this is only part one I look forward to reading the rest. Excellent work!