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Message to Readers
was really struggling on finding a title worthy of this piece. still struggling; if you think you have a good title idea, comment below.
if you enjoyed this piece, comment!! likes tell writers nothing without feedback
reviews very much appreciated
Your vivid descriptions and use of imagery in this piece are outstanding. I love you how made this feel realistic with honest, using little details like "gap-toothed grins'. Favorite Line: "they want to see the polished steel, not the tarnished metal that came before". I love how you took this concept and put it into a metaphor. The idea of youth wanting to see nothing but good and not harsh reality is something one should turn over in their head, just as you make them do with this line. Every character in this piece seems well thought out and described in just enough detail to feed curiosities as well as advance the piece. Your use of figurative language and devices is magnificent. It's amazing how you used repetition to your advantage without overdoing it. Lovely work
Personally, I like the title you have because I feel as though it fits the piece. However, if you don't think so, maybe changing the 'honest' to 'humble'. Since the main character doesn't see themself as a hero, making them kind of come off as humble. If you were to deepen this piece or add to it, perhaps adding a little more to the 'before'. Or, what exactly caused the ashes. I know this piece is slightly abstract and you probably dropped hints about it throughout the piece, but it's always an option. Like what was so great to cause them to burn? Lastly, perhaps what happen to the rest of the ashes afterward?
Amazing work! Keep writing!