Peer Review by Angelina Nguyen (Australia)

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Froot Loop

By: aharry01

PROMPT: All Talk

You know what's weird?
The fact that you're reading on the floor of your boyfriend's bedroom instead of sitting with him?
No. Well yeah, but no. What I was gonna say was like, in books right? 
Books, yeah.
Like, why does the character always die in the end or the beginning? Just think about it. A major character never dies right smack in the middle of the book. It's absurd, really. 
What about....what about the one where the kid like, kills himself right smack in the middle.
I mean, there's a lot of books like that....
Well, there you go. 
So you gotta kill yourself to get a decent middle spot? Otherwise you just get offed right at the beginning or the end?
Well, yeah I guess--HEY! Don't throw Froot Loops at me!
You're a Froot Loop!
Tell me something I don't know...
That wasn't an invitation to sing....
Everything's an invitation to sing!
That's nice, pumpkin....
You know what else is weird?
Do I really want to?
Like, why do couples call each other food names? Like how you just called me honey?
And you called me a Froot Loop?
Yeah! Like, what if like, and hear me out here, couples called each other by their favorite foods.
Mmm, because nothing screams sexy like saying "Hey you....potato."
Come here you little french toast.
Wanna make out, popcorn?
You bet, kale chip.
Mmmm........I love you, muffin.
You too, tomato soup. 

Peer Review

The girl is a vibrant character, has a lot of life in her and is very inquisitive. This was how I interpreted it because I saw a lot of parallels to myself and that's how my boyfriend often describes me. The guy is grounded but humorous, responsible but fun to be around. These traits are contradictory but they complement each other and infused with the girl's big ideas and questions about the world, we have a dynamic couple with plenty of adventures.

I feel really happy and had that "awwwwwww" reaction that I do when I read or write romantic pieces. This story took a simple prompt and responded with an equally simple piece, yet it still has a nice atmosphere created from it.

Reviewer Comments

I found your story enjoyable to read through, loving how you distinguished the two characters with italics and regular font. Your use of punctuation is well-thought out and when the story is read aloud, it indicates certain ways to speak the lines. This is an incredible tool, punctuation, that you have been able to utilised and I hope you further choose to manipulate with when you write. My only advice would be to revise simple things that I have highlighted but otherwise, a flawless piece with each character having a unique tone and personality. Please continue writing for WTW and producing pieces like this!