Peer Review by MarSan (Mexico)

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Moroccan Night

By: Eveona

Unnamed girl. Weaving through the cars forced to a halt by the red light. Our driver rolls up the window when he sees her. She sprays Windex on the glass and holds up a cheap plastic squeegee. The driver waves her away. There is no money for you here. She turns toward another car. Sprays again. The sheet of white foam melts down our window—slowly, inevitably, despairingly—drying into a blurred, shapeless smudge. I steal guilty glimpses of her through the smear. Her silhouette looks like mine in the darkness. Red light turns green. Alone on the streets at night.

Peer Review

The title, and first line of "Unnamed girl"

The author created a heartbreaking piece, always showing not telling, and using the amount of words to her/his/their favor. Every sentence seems like it's right where it belongs, and all the words are into place.

Not at all!

I'm begging you to keep writing, you see the world through glasses full of compassion and self-reflection. This had a lot of thought put into it, and it shows. The last line is especially heartbreaking, and a real punch to the gut.

Reviewer Comments

Best of luck in the competition! This has been my favorite piece so far :)