Peer Review by Vivicastro0 (United States)

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When I Was Younger

By: pencils.and.paper.roses


FREE WRITING

When I was younger, I thought Love was simple, something that would just happen one day, fully formed and ready for me. 

When I was younger, I swore I’d never be one of those girls who cried into their sheets over a breakup. You know, like they show in movies right after the big fight. 

But I was wrong. Love is something that forms gradually, something that you put time and effort into before it’s really ready. 

And if I ever cry another tear in that bedroom upstairs, it will be for him. 


Peer Review

The reality of the writing. It's very real.


You should deepen the passion and affection, love, as it's called so that the reader understands the gravity of the pain. Write about how their heart splits into pieces and how they can feel those shards splintering and hitting them, imagine how the pain feels and write the pain.


Reviewer Comments

you have a good grasp of writing the reality of a situation. I think by perceiving how things feel and making the writing more sensory and imaginative so that the reader can relate to it.