A Certain Type of Decisive

United States

Just your unfriendly neighborhood disaster, bringing you bi-weekly updates from the bottom of my own shoe!

Message to Readers

my first attempt at nonfiction!! plEase don't roast!! >:( >:( >:( !!! no haters allowed!! nonfiction is hard!! i won't be accepting reviews!! at this time because!! this is my life!! and!! that cAn't be edited!!!:) : ) : ) stay fresh out there :) : )

True Story

June 26, 2020


    Hey best friend! Just the guy you've always known here- a space traveler with a crush on the universe, ready to go bowling and tell you an outrageous lie. A fantastic lie, if I may say. You know- my arms are actually really, really weak, so maybe I'll stick to eating your nachos while you do all the bowling. Gosh- these are some good nachos! Too bad they aren't real.
    You all know by now that I'm not actually a writer with imagination, I just have the ability to be reborn as any object or person in any situation for any amount of time and tell you what's literally happening. Maybe it's because I was a fish who learned how to cry, maybe because I was a star with really good behavior. Who knows why the universe did this to me, she's beautiful and mysterious and-
    Ooh. Seven-ten split. Rough luck.
    Well no need to get defensive! It's just a game- and an imaginary one at that. 
    Anyway. Recently I decided I was bored and became a bumblebee and- boy oh boy- have I ever been so dumb?! Finally a body that suits the mind. It was a clickity-clack around the clock because my stinger kept falling off- when it finally popped off, I popped out and disappeared into space. That's where I met the love of my life- well, the latest one. 
    Okay, I know I said bowling, but maybe we should play some croquet? The light in here sucks. Ever since the war, I can't see anything but radio waves and I think I'm dying- no don't make that face! I'm not dying dying, just regular dying. I lied, I don't know how to play croquet, sorry. But it's a nice day, maybe we could have a picnic!
    Yes, I know we're at the bottom of the ocean, why do you mention it?
    Listen, it's not my fault you never learned how to breathe properly- your planet's 70%, what were you thinking? I have drowned so many times- the sand in the ocean is mostly me! Fun facts!
    Where was I? Oh, of course, I was once a prince, all green and red- no er- blue and purple? I want to be poetic but I'm not quite sure what colors make up a eel. Black? Grey? Never heard of those, but I'll take your word for it. I was sleek and weak and in love with the clams. I had so much power- I was sick with it. I buried my head and found a rock that would reappear in the same spot when you looked away, no matter how far you moved it. The world is rotten with miracles, they just disappear when you look too hard.
    Do you think you'll remember me next time? Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you there. No, I know you weren't talking, but I think I interrupted your "connecting to time as a whole" thing, I apologize. I just- you always forget me? It's just the two of us out here- three if count the rest of existence. But the rest of existence is kind of my deal- oh, you weren't thinking of making a move, were you? Are you guys already together? No? That's a relief, you know how much I love the universe, don't scare me like that! Here, try the ice, it's from Mars. You're not allergic to radiation, right? Never mind, too late!
    Back to the lie: I invented ice cream. Well, a friend did. Friend of a friend. Someone I know. Know of. Okay, I didn't invent ice cream and I don't know who did, but this is a good segue into the ice age. Do you remember the ice age? That's okay, nothing happened. Well, not that I saw, anyway. Then again, I did exist as a single snowflake, deep within the permafrost of Greenland- pre-Greenland, that is. I own about 14 zoctoseconds of pre-Greenland because someone traded them to me at a swap meet for the last banana in the entire universe. Thinking back, that probably wasn't the best trade, but I really like that sliver of time- it fit nicely alongside that beehive from the early Roman Empire. 
    What's that janglin'? Oh! You guessed it! It's my new hat, thanks for noticing. I stole it from a clown. There are 14 bells, but only four exist in the physical universe. That's just my way of sticking it, in every way I know how, to that man. Plus, they match my clown make-up. I also stole it, but from a different clown.
    Do you ever think that fire doesn't want to burn? Humans paint fire as malicious, but I've been fire before, and it is the victim in every way I can think of. We don't get to choose how we exist- well, no one except me. But fire just- it burns and it burns and it burns and do you ever think that maybe it hurts? Maybe it feels like hunger and desperation? Fire doesn't choose do burn, it just does. It is the result of everything that has ever happened, just for a single candle to be lighted.     Here, take this candle.
    Okay, now hold it up to the sky.
    Look, does it illuminate the dark? Is the void any brighter? No. A million candles, a billion candles, every candle that has ever burned or will ever burned could not light up the darkness of space. The stars don't cast light in the dark, for goodness sake. The light lands on planets and comets, and other stars, but the vacuum does not change because of a candle.  
    But they light up your face- 
    And isn't that enough? 
    I have to be getting home soon, and so do you. That's as far as this lie can stretch, I'm afraid. I hope I'll see you in your next life. In my next life. Some other time. We'll go bowling! (Depending on how many arms the two of us have.) But for now, good night, best friend. Good morning, good afternoon, and good night.


See History
  • June 26, 2020 - 9:02pm (Now Viewing)

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  • Emi

    I love how this kind of shows a stream of consciousness. It's also so random at times it's simply hilarious!

    5 months ago
  • A Certain Type of Decisive

    @AbiJoy: i said THere's no roAsting alloud!!! i'm inexperienced and youNg anKd juSt A baBey!! if it's too real is tIc for you i'm sorry i just tryy to express my self.

    5 months ago
  • AbiJoy

    This is just too realistic for me. I look for writing that helps me escape the harsh realities of the real world, and I feel like you betrayed my trust. No thank you. :(

    5 months ago
  • happygiggles

    Replying... Thank you so much for your comment on my poem, I really appreciated your feedback! As always, happy giggling! (:

    5 months ago
  • rainydayz

    I normally not a big fan of nonfiction but this is beautiful (also thank you for the kind message on my last piece)

    5 months ago
  • Deleted User

    Haha, good morning, good afternoon, and good night. That's from the Truman Show, right? Lol. This piece is delightful! :)

    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    This made me smile so wide from the very start. The simple charm and realness are so delightful.

    5 months ago