Peer Review by The Dreamer (South Africa)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Bystander

By: The Wiggler


It was a Spring day.  A man stood at a crosswalk.
A pair of students hurried down the street.  One of them tripped and fell, but he only watched.
It was Summer.  The man was still there.
An outgoing, burly man attempted to converse with him.  It was a lost cause from the start.
It was Fall.
Children flooded the streets, asking for candy.  He didn’t have any. By the time he went to buy some, they were all gone.
Winter.
A woman walked through, tripping on the sidewalk.  He helped her up. She smiled before leaving.
“Thank you.”


Peer Review

I really liked the title and the mention of the seasons.


I think this was done quite successfully, because I was left wanting to know more about this bystander; his life and his story. It was wonderful that in only a few words and without saying much at all you created this mysterious character, that for some reason I wanted to know all about.


One thing that left me somewhat confused was the fact that the man went from being totally uncaring and unsociable one season to careing th e next. (When he went to buy sweets for the children). But I dont know, that might be the point. A sudden transformation of character, perhaps? Could you please explain that?


I think you grasped the idea and whole concept of flash fiction very well. Honestly I think this is the best flash fiction piece I have ever read. Great work, keep going!


No additional comments.