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Peace_

United Kingdom

Message from Writer

You spend so long building up walls that when you want to scream and shout you don't know how. When the cracks in your walls form, just write. Just write it all down until you can't write anymore.

14 was my good year

April 12, 2016

PROMPT: [Insert Age]

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I am currently 15 years old and I look at my 12 year old sister and love the fact that she is nothing like 12 year old me. She is the girl that I would've avoided at a 12 year old.

I can safely say that 12 year old me was a slut who loved the attention. I'm sure my boyfriend at the time would agree. That's suppose to be plural. There was four of them that year, not at the same time, I wasn't that bad. 

At 14, I changed. At 14 years, I became this angry, 'I hate society' child. I wasn't a slut then. That entire year I was single. There were a couple of 'incidents' but that's a different story. 

 Boys weren't on my radar, I was too busy hating everyone and everything to actually believe that someone could love me.

Then I turned 15. On my birthday I was actually with a guy that I like. By Christmas I was having a thing with another guy. In January I was flirting with my ex and sending 'pictures' to another. 

There's a turning point, on February 24th 2016, I officially started dating someone I actually cared about, note that I said 'cared about'. He claimed that he was 'in love' with me. He was planning how he was going to propose to me. As a result of his love I went back into my old habits of giving false hope.

A week later I had a world renown 'moment, then one thing led to another'. My friends told me to be honest. So I was. You know what they say "honesty's the best policy", I told him. He was upset. But he still loved me, he didn't dump me in a heart wrenching way, so I decided to be nice after that.

Nice is a word that ceases to thrive in my vocabulary. We broke up three days before our first month together (my longest relationship in years), and we barely talked after that.

Then I started having options. (The player life has truly begun), I honestly had options, if one wasn't entertaining me I'd go to another. They would text me at certain times and I didn't tell each other about the other. 

That was last week.

I stopped talking to one of them completely. I'm a bad person and he's unbelievably naïve. I do not want to be the person that makes him less human. 

The other one is just fun and its the same vice versa. But right now he likes someone else who couldn't care less about him.

I'm single. I don't care about boys. My friends think I'm a slut. I want to focus on other things. Things that geniuely give me happiness. Like writing. Or getting good grades. Or making my friends and family happy.

Don't get stuck in the cycle.

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