Blue space explosion

BluMoon

United States

A high school writer looking to improve her writing and get feedback. A fan of fragments and commas,,,

Message to Readers

Any feedback on how I can improve the structure of the poem is greatly appreciated. I don't like the ending very much, so any ideas on how I can fix it are very welcome.

Sea of Sky

April 12, 2016

FREE WRITING

0
From up above, the sky is space, and the clouds are land;
the surface of an alien planet, floating impossibly on the sea,
broken by massive oceans of blue air.
Far below, dappled by the shadows of islands on the surface,
you can see clearly to the ocean floor,
divided up in squares and rectangles by thin grey lines.
Rivers like trenches cut through the grid
Forests like reefs corralled and contained by invisible fences.
Cities are a rarity among fields and farms.
Sprawling clusters of roads and buildings built by invisible people.
Then the clouds float over and shroud the sea in darkness. 
They form white hills and mountains, ever-changing.
So much closer to space, the sky is a darker hue than we are accustomed to. 
It's always sunny on this planet. 
It's abandoned on this planet. 
Iron birds are the only creatures able to survive
the fierce winds and thin air. 

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  • April 12, 2016 - 3:44pm (Now Viewing)

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