Peer Review by DaBolo (United States)

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Unborn

By: Elanor Mericle


It starts as emptiness.

Then, under darkness, something begins.

A light. 

Starting as a faint pulse, just barely blinking through the nothingness, it grows stronger, like invisible hands are pulling pieces of nothing and molding them into something. 
An unseen artist works the new vessel, pouring love into It like water.
A rhythm begins beating with the blinking light.

It lives. 

And it is wonderfully made. 

But, someone has already made their choice.
Dark, clumsy shadows dance across the light. A poison seeps into It, like smoke. 

It doesn't take long. 
The light wavers. 

Then, it goes dark.


Message to Readers

please be critical - it helps and im not sensitive, so say your opinion and don't mess around with pretty words lol. leaving a like would mean alot <3


Peer Review

The name was very cool. I also love this story.


The reason why the light was created and ended was very mysterious. I wish there was more hinting on why though.


No, I think the proccess was very well said based on the amount of words.


I really loved this piece. With some word this could turn into THE winning piece. (This is a joke because this is really weird and just suppossed to make you laugh.) What if this was turned into a wikipedia page. (Now I feel like you should make one. XD)


Reviewer Comments

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