Peer Review by Sarah Trieu (United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)()

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Witch Dunking

By: shallow water


"Bet it was hot."
They dunk me under again. Water bursts into my begging mouth, chlorine stings my nostrils. We aren't smelling flowers anymore, and the panel between us blocks my desperate sight.
"I think they should make 'em do shows."
I splutter again and again, dark spots appear and reappear in my sight. She had always been the strong one. 
"I'd take both girls home."
Their applause drums against my brain, and I am lost as they pull me back up, looking for the fresh air I got from her lips but tasting only their aggressive passion.


Peer Review

The title - it seemed very different from the topics that others had written about. Also, the first line confused and intrigued me, so I read on to find out what was happening.


We get the idea that the witches are being tortured - simply from the action of being dunked, but also because of the somewhat aggressive verbs and adjectives used.


I don't quite understand who exactly 'she' is supposed to be. Elaborating a bit on it might help, simply by replacing one of the 'she' or 'her's with 'my sister' or whoever she is.


This is a very unique piece - I haven't read anything quite like it yet. Very well done! This is fantastic.


Reviewer Comments

Love your use of sensory language. Keep up the good work!