Peer Review by FizzyBaguette (Canada)

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A Lost Letter

By: The Dreamer


Dear Professor Bates,
 
I leant against the door. Three voices – the third wasn't human. One was booming, one smooth and another - screeching. Someone declared, “Ella sal die kaap terug gee aan die Nederlandse!” 
 
 Remember what I taught you, Professor?!
 
 Finally the strange voice spoke. I caught the last word: perfect. How I shivered! I fled.
 
I write to you now, John, with every hope that you may receive this. I’m afraid I will not be returning. I trust you know what to do.
 
You have been a better friend to me than I deserved….
 
I love you...
Charlotte


Message to Readers

Hello there, I am back! This is my first flash fiction, so any feedback is welcome.
Please tell me what you think, and take time to review.


Peer Review

The letter format! It's a really interesting way to tell a story, especially for shorter pieces, in my opinion.


There's so much suspense and danger layered in this piece. Who are these people? Why is that person speaking in that language? What does it mean? Why is Charlotte leaving? What will John do? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!


So I was confused for the first half of the story because it's narrated as if the events are happening to Charlotte at the moment, but you switch to Charlotte addressing John/Professor Bates in a letter halfway. If you want to stick to the letter format, I suggest that you write the first half as if Charlotte is describing what's happening to her rather than writing as if she was outside the door at that moment.
Also, I know you're trying to withhold information to keep the suspense but don't forget for your next draft that withholding too much just makes it frustrating for the readers.


I sense that piece is full of potential - there are so many ways you can go. Keep writing, and don't hold yourself back. Even if you have bad days where you feel like you can't write anything, remember that you're an amazing writer. You got this!


Reviewer Comments

I can't wait to see what you do next!