Peer Review by Thea Engzén (Sweden)

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A Murder in the Afternoon

By: Jenna Matus


The taste of rain and salt sat on her tongue. Wet grass tickled the nape of her neck as she lay, limp, on the moor. If she moved her head to look at her hands, which were adorned with Catherine Devon's rings, she would've seen the blood. 

But she didn't. 

She stayed there, a bone-white mannequin, all twisted and wrong. A name fluttered from her lips, but was caught by a crow's caw. Then silence. Only the wind in the moors whispered. 

Her eyes stayed trapped on the fading, leaking sky as a murder of crows surrounded her. 


Message to Readers

Anything :)


Peer Review

I liked the short sentences I read before clicking on it!


"If she moved her head to look at her hands, which were adorned with Catherine Devon's rings, she would've seen blood."

This sentence is a text-book example on how to create tension and a feeling of mystery, as well as to awaken questions in the reader: who is Catherine? Why is the protagonist wearing her rings? Why is there blood on her hands? What happened to the protagonist?


Not really!


Look at my notes in the text and decide if you want to take my advice or not!


Reviewer Comments

This is a great story you've got, I really enjoyed reading it!