hello feedback=very nice
Written By: ghostlyglory
August 3, 2019
Login to Write a Review
Login or Signup to provide a comment.
i love the writing style of this, like black and white photos, like waking up at 5 AM when the world is asleep. it’s simply beautiful.
this is so beautiful. that third stanza just...i can’t even describe how i feel about it because my words aren’t working today but it’s so amazing.
welcome back!! i've thoroughly missed seeing your content, your overarching concepts and the incredible ways you manage to make them apply to the human entity - brilliant. the fourth stanza of this poem really stands out to me, especially the lines, "like a church sermon, a half-written gospel, / a bloody rite of teenage passage..." it's visceral and otherworldly, like stepping through a pool of wine and emerging out the other side to find a world where all things are unfinished and progressing. the juxtaposition between "i am not dreaming" and "you come to me in dreams" really promotes a sense of longing, but seems a bit fast for the pace of the poem - may i suggest swapping around some stanzas so that the contrast is more visually and verbally appealing? (i'm not great at giving actual feedback, just compliments, so maybe it's not even an issue, idk.) love your work!!
I missed seeing your writing on the dashboard while i was gone. This is somber and desperate and holy all condensed in one beautiful harmony. I don’t really have enough knowledge of poetry to properly praise this for what it’s worth, but even i know it’s something terrifyingly beautiful.
Thank you for sharing!
Need more help?