Fourteen. It's half of twenty-eight, a fourth of fifty-six, and a hell of a long way from ninety. So I'm pretty young right? But then again, fourteen is twice the age of seven and at seven we might not have jobs, or know the complexities of life, but we still feel rather old and mature and pretty damn smart.
So I was going to write that my life is changing, I mean duh I am a teenager, and the space in time we call years between the age of thirteen and nineteen is the classic period of change everyone goes through. But I wasn't talking about that. I thinking of my future, the loss of my friends, about moving to a brand new city. To me fourteen is about fear, about adventure, about finding a new me. Maybe I will be more confident, sociable, fashionable, or smarter, but regardless I will always be me. But that me is the me I am scared to think about, the me who I worry and dream about.
I know this was supposed to reflect where I am today, at my age, and what I have done in the past, but the past and the future are they not but a concept just as time itself, created to measure the moments, for control, for understanding. But control and understanding are fleeting things, they brush by you like a stranger on the street, you might forget that encounter or cherish it for the rest of your life.
My future and my past are one and the same, but since you asked for what this age means to us here it is. I am at I old yet young, happy yet discontent, intelligent yet stupid, pretty yet ugly, I am in limbo between the good and the bad, between who I am and who a wish to be. To me fourteen is a made up measure of time that could just as easily define and shape my future as it could be forgotten. I have no idea what the future brings or who I will be, but I know that it means another day of living, another day of cherishing what I have, and of making the world a better place.