My first kiss was in the basement of the mall near my town. It was with a boy who would later become my first love.
I still remember the old sweatshirt I was wearing, and that my hair was thrown back in a simple ponytail, and the strong sense of fear and nervousness still resinates with me...I couldn't even look this boy in the eye. Every time he tried to hold me, I would giggle and pull away.
We were both each other's first kisses, but for some reason he was so much more confident than I. I remember my cheeks turning a bright shade of rose and him just smiling and telling me to close my eyes...I listened. I can still feel his hands on my face and his chest against mine and his smell filling my nose.
Even to this day, the scent of his cologne still lingers on my skin. No matter how hard I try to scrub it off, I never can seem to rid myself of it. Overtime I have come to despise it, but at the time, so long ago (and for a long time afterwards) it was my drug.
His lips were warm and plush and soft and wet. They tasted vaguely metallic, though even today I have no idea why.
I remember opening my eyes in the middle of the kiss and being surprised - and slightly jealous - at how long his eyelashes looked from that close up. But between my surprise and envy, a sudden surge of passion and admiration for such a beautiful creature filled my being and embody my soul. In retrospect, I have to imagine that was the first moment I knew I loved this boy, even if I didn't consciously recognize it yet.
I remember feeling like the kiss went on for longer than it should have and I felt awkward because I didn't know how to move my lips the way he was moving his and I didn't know what to do with my hands so I just let them dangle on my side.
It was the most disgusting, most strange, most amazing feeling I had ever experienced up to that point in my life...
And then it was done - gone like a bolt of lightning. But when we both pulled away, my small pale hands still held by his, the electricity was still there. We smiled at each other like fools and I felt dizzy and disoriented. It was one of those times where you couldn't really tell if you were awake or not.
It didn't feel real, and yet it was.
God...I grew to love that boy so much more than I ever should have.