Peer Review by Lia Kares (United States)

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Let Sun In

By: lydia_m


PROMPT: Sijo

From Winter's end the Spring winds come dancing; but am I ready for sun...
Icicles feel a part of me now. Does the ice in the Arctic ever melt?
No sooner had the light untwined; I knew cold is no barrier to hope.
 


Peer Review

Overall, this poem just makes me think of Winter time. Snow, the cold, icicles.. etc. I find this quite weird because I think this is supposed to be more of a Summer themed poem haha. I'll guess the main reason I'm more focused on Winter is because you described Winter in this poem more than you described Summer time.


After reading this sijo, I feel the need to start questioning everything. I believe this is because the questions you asked at the end of each line except the last line. I don't know if this is the mood of the poem you were going for. However, I do think this mood goes well with the theme of your poem! Great Job!


Reviewer Comments

This poem is a great first draft! But, I feel as if something is missing from the poem. I wish I could tell you what it is, but I can't place my finger on it. Another thing is that your ending seems quite rushed. I know it's very hard to write a poem in just three lines, and thats why I suggest try changing this into a different form of poem. You could still stick with sijo if you wanted. However, if you choose to stick with a sijo, I highly suggest changing the ending line.

Apart from that, I did enjoy the message of this poem. I don't regret reading this poem at all. It has such an interesting premise. Most times, I think people are always excited for Summer to come and couldn't care less about Winter. However, your poem portrayed the opposite. I'm amazed!

Keep on Writing! I would love to review your next version if you do decide to keep on editing this piece!

- Karen