Peer Review by Harlow (United States)

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Book Sample! REALLY need some feedback!!!

By: Boogie With Stu


FREE WRITING

Hi, it's me Boogie With Stu, I'm working on an awesome book right now and wanted to put up a small piece of it to know what you guys think.


Roban and Berry got rooms right next to each other. They had just finished washing up and were heading to the Great Hall when Rosabell and Potricia joined them. Everything seemed to be going perfectly fine. For the time being. 

It was so bright and cheerful in the Great Hall that as Roban sat down for the feast he almost forgot why his jaw hurt so much, but then he looked across the room at another table, where he saw him. The boy called Eiran Thornharp. And it all came back to him that he had that unpleasant meeting. Thornharp noticed his stare, and returned it with a light smirk. Roban watched as a girl with her face hidden from view walked over to Thornharps table. She said something that Roban didn't hear, then sat down, Thornharp handed her something. Roban went back to eating thinking that Thornharp was nothing to worry about, just a common school bully. But he was soon going to find out different.



How does that sound so far? 

   


Message to Readers

Can't wait for October :D


Peer Review

I found the names, suspenseful plot line, and inklings of character development surprising in a piece this short. In very few words, you managed to make me fear for Roban. Fear for what, you might ask? I’m not sure. The fact that I’m not sure THRILLS me.


Consider maybe taking the time to flashback to the unpleasant meeting that Roban thinks of in the Great Hall. Other than that great work.


Reviewer Comments

I’ll be on the look out for any Led Zeppelin fans writing novels! This seems like it could turn into something worth reading and rereading time and time again