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Message to Readers

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April 7, 2016

PROMPT: Open Prompt

 And I sit and I think- how do they do that?
 The way they can just open their mouths and words come out, a meaningless, bright gabble.
 They say things- just like that. How are you. I'm so nervous for this exam. Are you. Yeah. I know, right. 
 And they can just say it. Without thinking. Grammar forgotten. Consequences of speech ignored. And they are fine. They are just fine. Everyone likes them. I like them. They're wonderful. They are what people are supposed to be like.
 And I sit and I think- how do they do that?
 The way they can just smile and giggle and laugh and joke and everyone around them does the same. 
 They just light up rooms. Without thinking. They are the light of the world. Of my world. Of everyone's.
 And I sit and I wish I was like that.

 I consider every angle before speaking, looking, smiling, asking. I wonder- will I annoy them? Do they like me? A little? At all? I watch them, to see. To see if I can see how they see me. But also, to see how they do it. How they are able to talk and be. Without consequences. Without needing to think of the consequences. Is it some tilt of the head, flip of the hair, raising of the eyebrow? Is it the hands, fluttering, pointing, dancing? Is it the eyes, glimmering and rolling and opening and closing? Is it the tone, warm, light, funny, musical, airy, casual?
 For all that I watch them, I just don't know. Perhaps there is nothing obvious which separates them and me. Perhaps they look at me and wonder these things too. Perhaps they too lie awake, agonising over sentences misspoken throughout the day, week, month, year. 
 If I knew that they did this too, then I would not have to do it any more. They would not have to do it any more. And we could all just be. 
 But I don't know. So I watch, in the hope that I may learn. Someday. Someday, I may learn how to do that. That thing. The thing they do. With their mouths and hands and eyes and voice. Speaking, but more than speaking. Communicating. 
 But I don't know how. So I don't.


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