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Message to Readers
What event was this based off of?
I think the first four lines are incredibly compelling! Initially, I suspected He was Death, but you say this is based off an event, so now I'm even more curious. I'm terrible at history, but I hope you can tell me what event inspired this because I'd love to read more about it.
I think the beginning was very strong, but the ending felt a bit rushed to me. I'd love for you to explain how the children broke through the walls and confronted Trouble in greater detail because it sounds fascinating.
I think your piece is really unique! You have a shorter, choppier writing style that worked really well with this story. Even though this is based off an actual event, it read like a twisted fairytale, which I love.