Peer Review by ajamwal (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

My Throne #r&scontest

By: V-Rose


Tick tock goes the clock
Matching time when I walk
To my throne, to my crown
To raise what was dust in the ground
I cannot deny to you
That what I said was true
The dust I let rise
It the equivalent to your lies
So do not tell me that I lied
Because for you, I would have died
I would have used my last breath
I would have faced the final test
But you pushed me into the burning fire
Where all I could feel was the flames rising higher...
You drowned me in your fake love
You refused to let me see the skies above...
And now...
Now the throne is mine
They bow,
You should respond in kind
Because from the flames,
I learned your games
And from your sea
I found my own "free"
Free from you,
and him,
and her, 
and them.
All I had was seconds before I was gone
But I wanted to see the next dawn
And the next...
And the next...
And the next...
This is my throne
No one will take my home
And the clock tick-tocking behind me
Is an hourglass we can all see
The sand goes up instead of down
Like the rising of my crown
Like the ashes left behind
From the flames left for me to find
Like the breath I'm taking
I'm healing, not breaking
So bow down now
Before I show you out
You cannot kill me 
Because I learned to be free
Fire does not hurt
I control the flames
(You gave me that)
My breath comes calmly
I am queen
(I rose because of you)
The clock will keep going
And the sand will keep flowing
(I did that without you)

Peer Review

How do you rhyme so perfectly. One thing about me is, I literally can't rhyme, so this is like insane to me.

I think you need to deepen this piece further, make it more fierce, possessive, as if it is MY throne. Make it seem like you are eagerly waiting for your time to take the throne and that you will never let it go, you know?

Reviewer Comments

Sorry, if I was too vague, I mean I like this piece a lot, but I feel it can be deepened. Thanks for all the support, hope this helped!!