Kate Livewire

Philippines

Hi guys!
I'm Kate Livewire, here and on SoundCloud (and everywhere else XD)
I'm a bookworm, singer-songwriter, and a writer of few and far between stories (because of writer's block).
Hope you enjoy my works, and I hope to improve over time! :)

Anomaly

July 13, 2019

Here is a link to a rough recording of this if you want to listen!
https://soundcloud.com/katelivewire/anomaly-extremely-rough-draft-for-write-the-world-songwriting-contest/s-uwy7P
the parts in asterisks are what the lines previously were. Please tell me which lines you prefer :)
    
    
I wonder how our feelings grow
Ain't it strange
The places our thoughts can go
Outer space
Wondering what path 
I should take
It's strange to think about

Right now I hate reality
And this life
I'm trying hard not to repeat
Things twice
But mistakes keep piling up and I
Can't find the strength to leave
  
Dive...
Headfirst into the pitly...
Don't you hesitate my love

You see I have learned my lessons through fear
The prices I've paid were far too near
To the heart that I sacrificed/*to my heart and I bear the price*
Never got off easy with life

Now I'm trapped in this nightmare/*forest* with no one to save me
(Can't go now)
If I try to escape I wonder if you'll hunt/*chase* me
(Down this time)
My thoughts are all scattered but I have to calm down
(Stop and think)
I'm trapped in my own home there's nothing else to do
(But run away)
*SPOILERS*
This song is part of an album I'm writing that centers on a woman whose boyfriend has started to become abusive. We follow her journey from the start of their relationship (when he was still a good person) until the end of their relationship (when she finally runs away and ends it). 
This song happens around the time when she realizes she can't let herself freeze up anymore and she has to get out of here. 
So, does the song convey the story well? Please let me know! :)

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2 Comments
  • Kate Livewire

    @Araw Thank you so much! :) I appreciate all the help.


    4 months ago
  • Araw

    For the first asterisk, I definitely prefer "to the heart that I sacrificed" as you do already use the word "price" in the earlier line and it feels more natural. For the second one, "nightmare" probably works with your story a little better. For the third, I think "hunt" is better because it sounds cooler and also it conveys the predatory nature of abusers, hence it would add that little bit of character to the abuse the woman endures. Good luck with the contest. This song is coming along really well.


    4 months ago