Peer Review by Rachel Bryan (Ireland)

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Anomaly

By: Kate Livewire


Here is a link to a rough recording of this if you want to listen!
https://soundcloud.com/katelivewire/anomaly-extremely-rough-draft-for-write-the-world-songwriting-contest/s-uwy7P
the parts in asterisks are what the lines previously were. Please tell me which lines you prefer :)

 
I wonder how our feelings grow
Ain't it strange
The places our thoughts can go
Outer space
Wondering what path 
I should take
It's strange to think about

Right now I hate reality
And this life
I'm trying hard not to repeat
Things twice
But mistakes keep piling up and I
Can't find the strength to leave

Dive...
Headfirst into the pit
Fly...
Don't you hesitate my love

You see I have learned my lessons through fear
The prices I've paid were far too near
To the heart that I sacrificed                 *to my heart and I bear the price*
Never got off easy with life

Now I'm trapped in this nightmare/*forest* with no one to save me
(Can't go now)
If I try to escape I wonder if you'll hunt/*chase* me
(Down this time)
My thoughts are all scattered but I have to calm down
(Stop and think)
I'm trapped in my own home there's nothing else to do
(But run away)

*SPOILERS*
This song is part of an album I'm writing that centers on a woman whose boyfriend has started to become abusive. We follow her journey from the start of their relationship (when he was still a good person) until the end of their relationship (when she finally runs away and ends it). 
This song happens around the time when she realizes she can't let herself freeze up anymore and she has to get out of here. 
So, does the song convey the story well? Please let me know! :)

Peer Review

This song is about a woman that is trapped in an abusive relationship. She feels trapped and doesn't know what to do, or how to get out ofte nightmar she's trapped in.
I found that this song tells a story about someone who feels trapped and scared. But one thing I will say is that, if I hadn't read the footnote I never would have known that it is about a woman in an abusive relationship.


"Now I'm trapped in this nightmare/*forest* with no one to save me". Quite liked this part, as it really helped me imagine what kind of hardship the character is going through. I also liked the verse above it (which I highighted)


I think it would be good if we got more details about the woman's hardship, maybe more about what's happening in her life. As I mentioned above, I wouldn't have known what it was really about. So maybe add a verse giving detail about the abuse.


Other than what I mentioned above, this is a really great song. And I think the soundcloud recording is great and you have a really nice voice. I enjoyed reading and listening to the song. Good luck on the album.


Reviewer Comments

Really good song. I liked listening to it, keep up the good writing and singing.

PS. are you putting the full album on soundcloud when you're finished? I'm interested to know the rest of the story.