currently confused


July 11, 2019

when i cry
i create torrents of rain
people’s lives, slain

in a neverending echo
my voice cracks
leaving behind countless deaths

when will my words match
what i want to say
it’s like my own mind
is fading away
let me scream
in this lonely world
if the words ever come one day

you’re able to smile
because i’m here and giving
the life you’re living

you’re able to cry
because i’m here and taking
the life you’re making

you who cries in pain in a black dress
you whose sins were never confessed
you who feels absolutely worthless
you, and you, and you
you are my creation and my doing


when will my words match
what i want to say?


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  • polished_sole

    Hi rednosedboy!
    Thank you for your comment and suggestions for improvement :) I think what I wanted to portray was the speaker’s helplessness at his power and that the speaker’s emotions has a greater effect on these lives due to his/her/[insert non-binary term] power, and it is because of this that the speaker feels immense guilt. I’ll work on the clarity of these ideas, thank you once again!

    about 1 year ago
  • rednosedboy

    Hey polished_sole! I just read your piece and it’s most assuredly my favorite for this competition. It’s. Why unique in that we are not put into the perspective of the writer( at least not literally). It’s very refreshing. My favorite part is the objective tone taken through the piece. I’ve always been a fan of speaking by not speaking and this piece exemplifies that. However I was a little confused as to what the narrators true feelings are. In the verse we find examples and depictions of the results of his action and the control he has over the world. However in the chorus we don’t find a reaction to this. Is he grief stricken at this large supply of power? Is he content with the lives he’s taken? I would like to hear more about this. Right now it just seems as though he feels helpless, and the context of that is not clear. Basically the cohesion between the ideas presented in the verse, and the conclusion presented in the chorus could use some clarity. Beyond that, this a great piece and I’m rooting for!

    about 1 year ago