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Written By: polished_sole
July 11, 2019
PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019
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Thank you for your comment and suggestions for improvement :) I think what I wanted to portray was the speaker’s helplessness at his power and that the speaker’s emotions has a greater effect on these lives due to his/her/[insert non-binary term] power, and it is because of this that the speaker feels immense guilt. I’ll work on the clarity of these ideas, thank you once again!
Hey polished_sole! I just read your piece and it’s most assuredly my favorite for this competition. It’s. Why unique in that we are not put into the perspective of the writer( at least not literally). It’s very refreshing. My favorite part is the objective tone taken through the piece. I’ve always been a fan of speaking by not speaking and this piece exemplifies that. However I was a little confused as to what the narrators true feelings are. In the verse we find examples and depictions of the results of his action and the control he has over the world. However in the chorus we don’t find a reaction to this. Is he grief stricken at this large supply of power? Is he content with the lives he’s taken? I would like to hear more about this. Right now it just seems as though he feels helpless, and the context of that is not clear. Basically the cohesion between the ideas presented in the verse, and the conclusion presented in the chorus could use some clarity. Beyond that, this a great piece and I’m rooting for!
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