Peer Review by Whateverthismightbe (United Kingdom)

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At Night

By: 16missing


FREE WRITING

Unfinished cigarettes lying in dark alleyways
colorful birds caressed by the shining moonlight
sunken treasures glistening deep beneath the ocean
little girls and boys clutching onto their beloved toys
sandals crashing onto the concrete
prey running from the predators that emerge in the night
candles flickering, dying 
tears drop from one's eyes 
like a single pin doping from 100 feet 
but heard a mile away 
a heart beats after the one it can't have 
a baby boy born filling the room with life and joy 
a little girl follows the crowd 
hoping to be good enough to get accepted
 a hushed conversation takes place behind closed doors
promises made 
and promises broken 

 


Peer Review

I really liked reading this piece, at first I was unsure what it was about but, then I pieced it together, (At least I think I did)


There isn't much to change about this piece, it has a poetic feel to it as well. Maybe adding more of a story to show the true meaning of all the lines.


Reviewer Comments

I enjoyed reading this piece, I like the choice of writing and adjectives you used. Try to add more of a storyline or more information on what the meaning is. Well done, it's very good!