Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I would very much appreciate some feedback, please, competitions terrify me. Please try to be kind, though. :)
I like how you introduce a group of common fantasy creatures - undead, vampires, witches, warlocks - living together with humans in an almost modern world
I'd like to know more about Hawthorns and Mort's history with him
I'm a bit confused about the time period it's meant to be set in - with the horses and carriages I'm guessing victorian-esque but I'd like a bit more clarification on that. I'd also like a little more description on what form of undead Mort is (e.g. does he eat brains?)
I really like the main character, Mort, and I think you introduce him well. I also like how you bring in more information slowly, starting with just him, then his landlady, then the cops and Hawthorn. I also like your writing style - it's very descriptive without getting bogged down and hard to read.
I'd maybe introduce Hawthorn and the cops a little earlier, because I think the beginning is a bit slow compared to the pace and exposition at the end.