Peer Review by parachutes (Canada)

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Curse you, Jared

By: Nanasabae


“Now see what you did, Jared?” As I turn around with half a mind to crush his tin-can car, the meteor collides with Earth. Crap.
It looks like how you’d throw a ball at a trampoline, except that the trampoline bursts, explodes, rather, a warm sunflower with flavours of red, orange and yellows. Chunks of Earth like shrapnel fireworks, flying in all directions with a sunset background. Hauntingly beautiful. A light heatwave, like a breath of hot air, rustles my hair.
“Jared, you little--” I stop mid-sentence, sighing. Can’t believe i missed my punch.
The rock’s cratered surface was so close, a shield of blue and red flames engulfed it. It charged at a speed a cheetah on steroids would. Deciding that i’d like a little warmth, i shoot out energy beams from my fists, towards what once was Earth.
“Be careful.” The stout, sweaty man’s voice never fails to irk me. It’s like the squeaks of a rat’s tail caught in a trap.
“Shut it, Jared.”
‘Be careful’. As if the ship you travel on is safer than my spandex. It was a nice gift of thanks from the Gregorhnions, but it really puts NASA to shame. Their ‘greatest invention for space travel’ is the shape of ‘Adam & Eve’’s bestsellers. Made with a lacklustre metal that bears an uncanny resemblance to the Campbell soups i have for dinner.
Warmth washes over me as i begin to fly past small pieces of rubble, that grow increasingly larger, giving me more options to choose from. I find one that bears an odd resemblance to Kowalski, a father figure of mine, casually perching myself on it to watch the rest of the earth chunks. Slightly different from the typical galaxy, but still beautiful in their own earthy way.
I’m glad they didn’t pay me this time round. I’m also glad Kowalski got shanked. He was the only thing I had going for me on this planet. To my dismay, i can see Jared in the distance, driving his ship in my direction. Great.
“Where’s Earth? Right here buddy. No thanks to you shrieking in my right ear mid-punch. Are you happy with your work, Jared?”
The tip of the dinghy, made of plastic, allows me to see Jared’s fat, blemished face, now tear-stained. A sorry sight, paling in comparison to the gorgeous blue orb that acted as my refuge. Too many men want my head. Whimpers come through the earpiece. Give me a break.
The stone’s been a nice butt-warmer, but my dry throat, is the new problem on my agenda.
“Are you coming?”
“Where…” I could sell him...humans sell for a good price on the galactic market. Pays far better than watching space. He’d probably sell for even more now!
“Alright, buckle up, Jared!” I hop off the rock and beam towards the ship a mile away.
“We’re going.”


Peer Review

Lol, this is so random; I freaking love it. I love the dialogue, the details, and the resentment for Jared.

i think that you should add additional details. Tell us what the ships look like, what the rubble looks like, etc, etc. I like the details you have now, and more of them would add more flavour.

Reviewer Comments

I really like this. CURSE YOU JARED, CURSE YOU! lol