a series of short pieces: dysfunctionality

(an average conversation between me and...anybody)

me:"hello"
person:"hi"
me:"how are you?"
person:"good! yourself?"
me:"i'm doing well."

person does not leave
my eyes get very wide and the panic sets in

inner me: words, words, words, where did I put those damn words?

the silence prolongs and person refuses to leave
...

clunk! clunk! clunk! (gears turning in my head)

...

I got it!
beep bop boop (brain connecting words to mouth)

me: "so theee...[insert voice crack here] cough cough"

crapfrickcrap the brain fucked up...recalibrating... recalibrating...

bing! go dammit go!

me: "so the raptors are in the finals! that's pretty exciting huh?"
person: "Oh, i'm not big into sports." awkward laugh.
me:"oh"
person:"yeah"

inner me: well shit, you could have at least pretended to be interested, weirdo.

person: "excuse me!?"

inner me: there's no way I just said that out loud!

person scowls and finally leaves

inner me: 35% celebrating
                63% thinking about that conversation and hating me until something more cringey happens and takes its place.
                2% i wonder if perfume is just unicorn farts in a bottle...