Peer Review by Ellie! (United States)

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Please don't be like others!

By: Deleted User


Lend me your sorrows and I'll gift you a smile,
you'll never roam alone be it the farthest mile,
I'll make you perfect, refine what you lack, 
But please in return never turn your back.

I'll wake overnight if you don't sleep,
And wipe your tears whenever you weep,
I'll hold your hand and lead the way,
and bring your wandering raft to the shore of bay.

I'll bear your torch when it is dark.
When your thoughts gets clouded,  I'll give them a spark.
And all I want is just a promise from you,
that you'll never fail me like others always do.... 
 


Peer Review

What strikes me the most is the statement of unconditional love. It's a very sweet poem ending on a bit of a bitter note with a call back to the former relationships of the character.


The author does a good job with the rhythm - rhyme can very easily become clunky, and that turns a well-written poem into just this awkward thing to read. The words for the rhyme here are chosen well, and although at times the rhythm can feel a bit forced, that's an obstacle all rhyme struggles with. I think the author does well with the style here.


/I'll bear your torch when it is dark./ It reminds me of a line from a hymn (although I can't think which one right now!)


Strong theme, good style :) you're doing great. You don't have a lot of published work; remember, the best way to improve your writing is to put it out there for WtW to read and review! I'm looking forward to more from you.


Reviewer Comments

I'm getting a lot of song vibes from this piece XD If you've never listened to 'Count On Me' by Bruno Mars, now is the time. Maybe it'll give you inspiration for another draft of this poem ;)