Peer Review by Pavi Thangaraj (United Arab Emirates)

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Please don't be like others!

By: Deleted User


Lend me your sorrows and I'll gift you a smile,
you'll never roam alone be it the farthest mile,
I'll make you perfect, refine what you lack, 
But please in return never turn your back.

I'll wake overnight if you don't sleep,
And wipe your tears whenever you weep,
I'll hold your hand and lead the way,
and bring your wandering raft to the shore of bay.

I'll bear your torch when it is dark.
When your thoughts gets clouded,  I'll give them a spark.
And all I want is just a promise from you,
that you'll never fail me like others always do.... 
 


Peer Review

Love... The poem floods love into the reader's heart. The idea that 'when we are together, nothing else matters' really fills the heart with warmth. The promise to stay through thick and thin, light and dark, sorrow and joy and more is very passionate. Accepting and accommodating the other's faults and crevices is indeed doting. The selfless attitude revealed in the end is very touching. In return for all this, expecting a simple virtue like loyalty, leaves a tender tinge in the heart.


Conveying love is most rousing when it is flowy yet simple. To the point, yet vague in order to leave space for the reader's imagination. These points have been achieved effectively in this poem. The language used in the poem is reader friendly and moving. Yet I would like to suggest the use of a refrain as refrains tend to leave a deeper impact on the reader's minds, such that they remember the poem for a longer time.


My favorite line is - 'And all I want is just a promise from you,
that you'll never fail me like others always do...'
This line stirred the depths of my heart. A person being so caring and loving, ready to provide anything for the sake of love, yet expects only togetherness. The fear of encountering loneliness in this world, the fear of disloyalty and the bitter experience of the past, all are covered in a single line, which is very admirable.


This poem is just perfect and doesn't need amends. It is short and sweet, hence not consuming the reader's patience. It has an intriguing title; a mysterious touch to it. The rhyming sounds make it soothing to the ear and interesting to read. Though romantic, doesn't overdo anything. Simplicity and innocence is reflected very admirably.


Reviewer Comments

I think I have exhausted my words for this poem. It is very optimistic and touching with just the right amount of candor, ease and naivete. The poem doesn't exaggerate on the vows and hence makes it convincing. All in all, it is a well written poem. Keep up the good work!