Peer Review by lizharris (United States of America)

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Our Story

By: 19JW00


    Our story starts on a planet where everyone must die after their first mistake. A place where in your first five universe times you are only aloud one mistake, and after that you must die. A planet without phones, without computers, without oxygen, and without T.V. A place in which you would feel you couldn't exist. A place you would call prison. A place in the middle of the 9,563rd time the planet has touched from corner to corner of the universe. It begins with a young boy who forgot about the mistake rule, who is about to die.
    Our story has a little boy named Gerard jumping over roots of trees, and making a dash once he remembers. A boy who scales a willow tree and hides there, waiting for the officers to notice he's gone, and to notice that he is so far away that they can't catch him.
    Our story has the boy is awoken by the sound of crashing trees and he runs away. He is caught by them and is brought to court and sentenced to death. A boy who is in jail for forgetting a little rule. A boy who tries to escape 1,980,365,742 times. A boy who can't go home.
    Our story has a boy who dies and finds the key underneath a stone after 483,384,529 universe times.
    Our story has him run out of his jail cell and out onto the streets, only to find them deserted. He remembers something, that he is the only one on his planet to die. He waits for millions and millions of universe times, but no one ever comes.

Message to Readers

Please rate this story! Hope you like it!

Peer Review

What is the significance of the numbers in the third and fourth paragraphs?

I'm a little bit confused, but it sounds like a great story!

Why can they only make one mistake? It seems like everyone would be dead before their first birthday.

Reviewer Comments

I would suggest making it 3 mistakes...a three strikes you're out kind of thing. That would make it more intense!