Peer Review by Janna Brown (United States)

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War Over Cairaduen, Prologue

By: Boogie With Stu





In the land called Cairaduen a long time ago when the nameless kingdom  had a name, in the days of peace and pure good, there was an unknown thief.

Muriadil, one of the mermaids of Lake Laverina was secretly stealing the sacred magic that had been flowing through the waters and turning it to her own purposes. “I want to own the world” was the thought she brooded on as she was entwined and twisted evil and greed into the magic every minute and  second of the day until she perfected it. Witchcraft, her very own invention that she would spread across the whole world like butter on bread. And that was what she did.

Reveiling herself as evil wasn’t as easy as planned though, she needed help in her foul plan, so she set aside some of the witchcraft to make trolls, ogres, and goblins, but because of reveiling herself so early she wasn’t ready for the war she had started.

The war began in the fields of Kairadell and Thorphose. It went on for five days and nights. Blood rushed like a river, as bodies lay dead on planes. Until finally Muriadil had been defeated, and taken be to trialed before the kings, so as for them to deside her fate.

In the end it was desided she be banished to Blackmist, never to return to Cairaduen again.
As the jellyfish of Laverina took her away she cursed at the kings crying out:                
                  “Daspair, daspair over all the land
                        There will be no living man
                 The tree of evil will go to seed
                The one from Amarith will finish my dark deed”.

Then they took her deep down to the bottom of the lake, to the great gates. And they casted her into the void, lifeless waters entwined in shadowy mist at the edge of the world, known as Blackmist.

Soon her curse had been forgotten, her name lost, and her powers with it. She was only remembered as a shadow, an evil whisper in your ear, a murmuring curse in the dark, for The Murmur was her name. And her name was a legend.

But were all her powers lost for good? No. The great kings knew she still had witchcraft within her as they banished. Had they not, they would have sentenced her to death, but they knew only too well that this witchcraft would keep her alive. Until the end of time.   
 


Message to Readers

This is the prologue in the series I'm working on, if your interested in more, check out War Over Cairaduen, Orins Journy, Chapter 1, Pursued.


Peer Review

The fact that its filled with such mystery.


I'd love to know more about Muriadil and why she wanted so desperatly to rule the world, but I'm sure you'll get to that.


N/A


You are doing a really wonderful job! This story is great so far and the Anglo-Saxon vibe is super cool to see, you typically don't see this in such young writers, but its great!


Reviewer Comments

This is great, its compelling, its everything a great epic should be. Keep up the hard work!