Peer Review by bibliophile (United States of America)()

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The Love of Water #Passion

By: Boogie With Stu


The river is flowing lush  
The waterfalls rush 
It's calling me "Come and swim" 
And answer I it with a splash as I dive right in 
I'll swim all day 
I'll swim right in to June since last month was May 

Oh the power of the falls 
Shaking the earths walls 
It fills my dreams through dawn to dusk  
Driving all thoughts from my head 
And smashing them to dust 
Sometime I wish I could grow a tail 
And be mermaid  
To swim the dolphins and fish 
Oh how I wish I could make that wish 

For the water is calling me 
I must go 
To swim through the river 
To the seven seas 
And the five oceans 
Yes that's what I'll do  
Goodbye ye all now 
For a wet adventure I'm to now 
Goodbye, goodbye  
For I seek the home of the merfolk 
And other water creature 
That have only been heard of in legend, myth, and tale 
Goodbye all ye now.  




I wrote this for a piece of Janna Browns called The Storm :)

Peer Review

At first I thought this piece was just about someone's love of water, but as I read, I realized it wasn't just about the water itself, but rather, what was in the water. The talk of merfolk and water creatures surprised me, but also made the piece more fun, playful, and creative.

You mostly focus on the narrator's desire to go to the water. Maybe you could add more detail about the water itself. What else makes the narrator called to the water besides the merfolk, and how can you incorporate that in this piece? You could also give more description about the merfolk, maybe even incorporate some backstory about them, such as how the narrator came to be acquainted to them or believe in them. That will help you create more imagery and really bring the reader there, experiencing the piece for themselves.

Reviewer Comments

Great piece, and amazing word choice! Keep writing!