Peer Review by hmkeselman (United States)

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forget you, forget me

By: Jenna Matus


FREE WRITING

Can you make someone love you?
I've asked myself this question on countless winter nights 
If I laughed and grinned a little harder
If my eyes twinkled a little brighter
Would the sight of my bare back excite you?
Or does the fur coat around my elbows 
Only reveal a simple, blank canvas 
Is it dreams of my lips that awaken you?
In a sudden cold sweat you search for me 
But I'm not in the expanse of your sheets 
Are the songs you play reminding you?
Of the time my eyes didn't meet yours first 
In the blue light for fear of burning up 
Do the night alone hurt you?
Where other's eyes have blank vacancy signs 
And all you have is a lonely bottle
Is it then that my memory haunts you?
My whole, beating, alive ghost reminds you 
Of a time that you were loved so deeply 
That you couldn't love me back 

You can't make someone love you 
 


Message to Readers

Anything :)


Peer Review

I liked how vulnerable yet relateable this poem was. I think the raw desire for a crush is something that so many teens feel. It was nice to see the emotions in writing.


I think if you started with a stanza about why you love them, it could add another layer to the piece. Obviously, it is meant to be about your behaviors, but adding a part about theirs would enrich the story.


Reviewer Comments

Great job! I really liked this piece.